“Loving the right person at the wrong time or having the wrong person when the time is right; finding out you love someone after that person walks out of your life. For some, they think that letting go is one way of expressing how much they love that person. Some are afraid to see the one they…
My love, my baby, my best friend, my favorite boy, my Augustus Waters,
Every time I look at these photos we took. Those beautiful feelings that pulled us together just rush through my body, I wonder if you still keep us in your wallet and then I suddenly miss you more than ever. Especially your arms, your cheeks, the annoying way your facial hair would bristle against the corners of my mouth when you kissed me, your horrible singing that I wouldn’t mind listening to all day if it meant just being in the same room as you, the way you would randomly break into a laughing smile and ask “Why are you so cute!?”. I know some say when it comes to break ups, we often tend to miss the memories more than the actual person. But I know, with everything you were, are, and becoming …it’s both. I am so blessed to have met a man as good as you. Through your flaws, your mistakes and regrettable moments …I loved you through them because it was everything else overpowering it all. You’re amazing and you’ll be even more one day. I remember from the day we began to get to know each other, our emotional connection had been undeniable almost. We thrived off each others motivation, inspiration, growth and art. That was so beautiful to me because I can’t describe our relationship any other way than poetry. We were such a beautiful poem that I wish never ended the way it did. Everything we built grew incredibly intense, that I suppose we found ourselves not being able to catch up with it. How we have to be better versions of ourselves, stronger, lifted individuals to truly be with each other by ourselves. But I believe we will be those people one day. It’s bound to happen, with the people we are. When it does, I hope we’ll be strong enough for each other and we can re-begin a higher level of love. Marcus, I just wanted you to know that I’m sorry for the countless goodbyes. My inability to let go when you needed me to keep my head up for you. I could never hate you for putting our relationship aside in order to live up to the self you were striving to be. That is beautiful. I could never hate you for acknowledging that I needed to be on my own to re-gain my strength and my independency. You did this for us and I love you for that. I know that it would be hypocritical for me to say I love you and refuse to loosen my grip on us, so I’m letting go. Tomorrow it’s going to devour me in the morning but I’ll breathe through, knowing the pain will bless me little by little. I think that our relationship was meant to be built and torn down to strip us from the masks used to shield our internal realities. This relationship will teach us lessons that forces us to feel it all at once and put ourselves to action. So I’m going to make the most of it, and never regret each moment. The mornings waking up to you were close to perfect, being in your arms was my favorite place in the world. I hope you carry my heart with you as I will carry yours. I thank you for convincing me of beauty I never really could see in myself. Now I can work on believing it everyday. I hope to become a part of your art some day, and to read it with smiling tears of hope. I hope one day we’ll have a love full for breathing, and moving, and living. I love you so much. More than I have ever truly understood in any relationship. I know I do. Lastly I will never forget the day we stood in your room slow dancing to Keith Martin’s ‘Because Of You’ before you left to go back home. It was like the whole world was turning around us… or maybe that we were turning the world. Just wow, it felt more than right. Marcus… I miss you and I’ll miss you. I love you and love you every time. Thank you for everything and I hope you inspire minds the way you inspired my heart every moment we were together and apart.
your Hazel Grace
P.S. Remember to send my ‘sentimental’ package in a few months! <3
In my next relationship, I didn’t wanna move too fast. I didn’t want to fall so hard. I told myself I wouldn’t/shouldn’t let my guards down. I wouldn’t let anyone make me give more than what I give myself… I did everything I told myself I wouldn’t do. I’m doing it right now, and honestly I was a little disappointed, but seeing where it all is right now, I’m ok with that. Even though we moved on a little quick, I’m falling really hard, completely let myself be comfortable with her, and giving her all the time of my day that I could give, she’s more than what I asked for. Actually I wasn’t asking for much but received a whole other package. She’s a mystery. I love how it all works out, but I hate what’s coming. I know it’s going to be a struggle, but with this one, I know she’s worth it. I’m happy and I hope she is too. I have
butterflies dragonflies in my tummy ;D
I’ve never been in these kinds of situations before. I don’t really know how to react to it. Talking about it is one thing, and doing it is another. I know that once you talk about something, you should be able to to do it easier, and I’m learning. I’ve let it go, but it keeps being brought up. I feel like it’s always my fault. And it is. I don’t know what to do.
Food is the most abused drug and exercise is the most under-utilized antidepressant.
Lemony Snicket’s short letters for his dead ex-fiancee written in his books “A Series of Unfortunate Events”
lemony snicket you are amazing